How Early Rejection Shaped My Self-Perception
Monica Drake
| 2 min read
Does anyone have a moment from their adolescence – either big or small – that they just can’t get over?
These instances distorted my self-perception. They led to years of seeking external validation instead of finding it in myself. Many of the unhealthy patterns I fell into in my 20s can be attributed to this. I was simply wanting to feel seen and valued.
Suffering from low self-esteem is very real. Countless women and men struggle with it. Maybe it stems from a moment – or several moments – in your life when someone made you feel less than.
It me being suspicious of anyone who ever showed any interest in me. It made me constantly paranoid about the other shoe dropping whenever anything good happened. And it turned me into someone who never said "no" or made waves because I was scared if I did, people wouldn't like me.
I know there are many people who’ve had much worse happen to them in these formative years than me. No matter the trauma, it’s OK if I haven’t “gotten over it” yet. And it’s OK if I never really do. When we’re in our formative years – on the journey of figuring out who we want to be – moments like these are like potholes leaving permanent marks on our still developing brains (I’m from Michigan, so I can make that analogy).
It can help to talk to myself like I would talk to a friend. Just because someone made me feel “less than,” that doesn’t mean it’s true. Even if I never truly get over it, that doesn’t mean I have to believe it. The way someone else treated me is a reflection of their character, not my worth or what I deserve.
I deserve to be the first choice. And if not? I can walk away and not let someone’s inability to see my value make me lose sight of it myself.
Image: Courtesy of Monica Drake
Related:
