Mom, I love you and you were right

Happy Mother's Day to my mom and greatest inspiration
Happy Mother’s Day to my mom and greatest inspiration

Growing up I wasn’t a terrible kid. But I was a typical teenager, who when my mom would try and tell me something I deemed “uncool” or ridiculous I would roll my eyes, and she would in return tell me “just wait until you have kids of your own. You’ll understand.”

Well, the time has come. After having my first child two years ago, I can tell my mom “you were right.” Because what I couldn’t begin to grasp at the time of my eye rolling was how much my mom loved me. It wasn’t a love I couldn’t comprehend until I heard my son’s heartbeat for the first time.

The sound of that little beating heart changed my world.  The biggest one is how much more I understand my mom now, than I did then. Now, I fully understand how much she loves her children.

So mom, on Mother’s Day, I offer you these apologies, many years overdue.

I am sorry for all the times I came home late for curfew. Now, I understand why you couldn’t sleep until I was home safe. Because I know until I was home you came up with a hundred horrible reasons why I was late.

I am sorry for every telling you I hated you in a moment of anger or frustration. I know that you know I didn’t mean it, but I know it still had to hurt.

I am so sorry for any of the times that my actions made you doubt yourself as mom.

I am sorry for the sacrifices you had to make to allow me to do the things I wanted and made me happy. Thank you, I appreciate it.

Mom, you were right and I understand. I worry every day about Owen. I question myself as a mother. I wonder if he’s happy. When he tells me “I don’t want you” it hurts. When he tells me “I love you so much” my heart bursts with pride. I love him more than I could have ever imagined.

I hope that many years from now when my son becomes a parent himself, he will look back and know that everything I ever did was because of him and I loved him with my whole heart.

Mom, if you are proud of me- be proud of yourself. I am who I am because of you. I am a reflection of you and I couldn’t be prouder of that. I love you and Happy Mother’s Day.

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